Wednesday, May 27, 2009

An auto-socioengineering project

I've been quite unhappy for the past few years. I'm not known to be a cheerful person, but I am optimistic. I look at my room and do a profile of myself based on my surroundings. I have mostly empty walls. There's not much color in the room. I do not have that many pictures. What there is, is a lot of plastic storage boxes. There's a lot of books shelved away and also lying around in the bins, and there's a lot of electronics/technology magazines. There are lots of documents and papers in random areas. There are also a lot of notebooks in many places. Hanging on the wall is a piano certification but it is pretty low level. In the other corner by the door, there's a simple moonscape painting. The room is mostly defined by the clutter and the small bed. There is no personality to the room, no intention, no memory.

I have done a couple of re-arrangements to my room, but nothing major since at least over 5 years ago, probably when I was still in high school. I am planning to do a reverse profile. You can see the personality of a person based on their room, so I am going to try and do the opposite. Modifying my environment to influence my personality. This is not that simple considering how much I have in my room, and how I personally have a tendency to leave things half done.
This change towards my health, lifestyle, and personality has probably been headed in the right direction only since last year. I have started exercising more by playing badminton. I have lost about 20lbs(10% of my weight) since I started last May and am hoping I can keep going. I have tried to break out of my social shell, but I still find myself shy and short of words some time, still having issues expressing myself. Trying to be more outward and friendly has truly been the hardest thing for me, but it has immensely helped me feel more confident.
The major barrier I have now is fear of what direction I'm headed in. My room still resounds like a bad nightmare and I have decided to take that as my first priority to change. I have started the purge since the 25th of May, a day before my birthday. I needed to start it before because I need to achieve change before the next year of my life is already passing by.

Today is purge day 3, and I am still moving forward.

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