Staying frosty

It's still really cold here in Vancouver. A little odd considering it's already Spring but the average temperature is still looking around 8-10 degrees Celsius.

Just some Frost-y poetry for the frosty weather

Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening
By Robert Frost

"Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."

I love Frost's work. His poetry is always calming because of its imagery and connection with nature. I added this because I was rummaging through some old poetry in elementary schools. Before I toss them, I'm gonna list them here so I'll have a little reminder.

Haiku:

A Windy Fall

The leaves gently falll,
trees swaying from side to side,
as the strong wind blew.

Snowflakes

The snow is drifting,
very softly on the ground,
painting the ground white.

Lanterns (1,2,3,1 syllables):

Snow
drifting
very light
filling the sky
white

Leaves
from trees
being blown
changing colours
fall

Games
pleasant
enjoyable
are challenging
fun

Rain
falling
drop by drop
pitter, patter
wet

Balls
are round
filled with air
played by people
bounce

Birds
have wings
big and small
soar through the sky
fly


I just realize some of those lanterns have some alternate interpretations. Hahaha. Okay, gotta get the mind out of the gutter. Time to get back to cleaning...

Diary Dialogue

I'm still combing over old agendas and journals in my cabinets. I love reading some of the stuff I write. It's a form of self-exploration that is so revealing. Unlike reading someone else's diaries, you are not understanding someone else's history, you are glimpsing into your own mind. Nothing is as intimate as having a conversation with your past self. (If I could talk to my future self, that would be cool too.)

Some things stay the same though even after a long time. Here are some entries I wrote for pre-set questions in my agenda:
I feel important when: "Somebody asks me for help"
I am able to: "Play the Piano lousily"
When I need help I turn to: "My family or friends"

Awakening

I woke up this morning from a dream so vivid because a girl was causing me physical pain with an iron grip, yet entranced in a magical stare. My forearm still felt like it was still being pincered by the girls razor sharp nails. Upon waking up, I looked down at my arm completely convinced that it would be bleeding and have slivers of skin peeled up by the human claws.

The last three weeks have caused me to suffer Mac withdrawal while my Macbook Pro has been under repair. Well, I got it back yesterday, and while the extremely long wait frustrated me. "I'll never buy Mac again, their service sucks" are words I rescind. It may have been due to production/supply changes/lost order or whatever, but I finally got my hard drive replaced. Only it wasn't the same. My original hard drive was only 100GB, but the replacement drive I received is 200GB. I guess it's fair only to ignore the long wait since I got a free upgrade. It may only have been a luck of the draw because they no longer make 100GB HD's for Macbook Pro's, which is the most likeliest reason. w00t! Back to mac!

To be or to be something else

I am going circles in my head still trying to figure out who I am, who I want to be, and how to get there. The idea of trying to do things differently, to act differently that to what I should/would, is still at the front of my mind. I am who I project. And the world around will reflect upon that.
I have to keep resorting to the fact that I am myself, and that I shouldn't change who I am in order to achieve my goals. History does not remember kindly those who are willing to succumb to pressure. History champions those that stand against the flow and challenge the strong. If I act against my ideals, I'd be doing nothing but betraying myself and abandoning all self-respect. I have to trust in myself and believe that I shall pave my own path. Pretending to be something else is an illusion and will only serve to sabotage my own efforts of self-definition.

Some quotes that have helped me strengthen my resolve:
"The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be." -Socrates
"We write our own destiny. We become what we do." -Madame Chiang Kai Shek
"Our deeds determine us as much as we determine our deeds." -George Eliot

Richard Branson said something that resonated so strongly with my beliefs in daily life in an interview on The Colbert Report in August 07. He said "In the end, all we have is our reputation." It's the Golden Rule. You treat others how you want to be treated. People will trust and respect you if you do likewise.

I don't understand how a lot of people just don't get it. Some simple truths are the hardest ideals to achieve.

A window to the past

I finally gave in and started to read through some of my diary entries. They start just under shy of 10 years ago in Nov 98 and they go on for about 3 years. I find myself flinching after reading every few lines. My memories aren't particularly painful, but it reminds me of someone who's so distant now. It may be distant, but it still feels like inside of me just pooling up in little pockets of unresolved reflection.
Some things seemed so important then that are trivial now. A lot of it is silly junk like how I used to obsess about Starcraft, and video games. I spent Christmas Eve in 98 playing Metal Gear Solid. Hahaha. My addiction with video games still carries through to today, but I wouldn't find myself writing about it in a diary.
Then some entries are damaging. There was somebody I wanted to talk to and get to know, but I never got a chance or didn't try. And now it's too late.

There are the ramblings of dreams and hopes I had then, now just fading reminders of what I perceive now to be as impossibilities and taken avenues. Silly ideas of where I would go to school. I was a pretty hopeful 15 year old back then. I'm a little more pessimistic now.

I'm finding it harder and harder to turn the page. And I cannot bring myself to throw it out. These memories are a part of me I still need to come to terms with and accept. Or bury them forever. Resolving one's memories is something I didn't think I had to do. I didn't think I had a bad childhood, but I guess any life experience has its own depth and magnitude that overall happiness itself can not measure.

Human centered design

An interesting example of modern anthropology in a technological construct by a researcher for Nokia.
This is the stuff I love. Human-centered design. Usability issues. Designing products for people rather than just for the specific need. People will use the same tool in different ways based on their own cultural context.

This is a good read for those who aren't even interested in usability. It appeals to all people who love design and invention.

Reformation

In order to create, we must destroy.

I'm starting to shift gears now. In my path of destruction I find that I am changing who I am. Every change brings about a light upon an aspect of my life that I did not realize. I am continually applying changes to other things I wish to improve or even forget. I've been so focused on some things in my life and those goals aren't wrong, they're just unreachable for me because of obstacles that are so close to me that I choose to ignore.
Here's hoping to the continuing de-evolution of my currently existing footing, and to rise from the ashes tomorrow and ascend upon my lofty sights.

I found some old diary entries while I was (currently, still am) cleaning my room. I'm contemplating on whether to burn them or not. I haven't read through them yet, but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to like what I see. I feel like I really need to engulf them in flames so I can move past. Just throwing them in the garbage would feel like I'm just burying it within me, and then I'll never be able to get them out.

Destruction....

If the road to hell is paved with good intentions, then I must be paving the road to the apocalypse or something... I think I'm on a record breaking spree as of now. I broke a sprinkler handle while washing the car on the weekend, and while I was out there doing some cleaning, I went to mow the lawn. Oh of course, I ran the blade into some kind of pipe and broke the blade and the pipe as well. I seem to be earning my title of "Smasher" quite handily.

I went to the Vancouver International Auto Show today, not as much excitement as it usually gets, but still a lot of nice concept cars to look at. The weirdest has to go to the Ford Airstream, which is similar to a standard Airstream, but built more like a luxury car inside rather than an Airstream RV.
The Audi R8 seemed like it had the highest amount of traffic and attention in the central display area, it looks so awesome. It makes you wonder about Audi trying to push their boundaries of sport luxury sedans to a higher (and better) level for their brand.

Penny Arcade Vs The Industry

I just finished reading an article from Wired interviewing the guys at Penny Arcade regarding digital distribution.
From what I've read correctly, that's going to be ingenious if they are really allowing for a game key to be distributed among different platforms. A la, having to pay for the same game on different systems. It's ridiculous and if I am given the freedom to be able to play on a different system, when I want, then it's giving more power to the people. Do I really own something if I am forced to buy it multiple times just so I can use it at different situations for the SAME content?

I'm also intrigued with the idea of creating a new digital distribution platform as opposed to existing ones like Steam. Steam is alright, only because it allows the user to be free from having to own a physical copy of the game to still retain the ability to play it again. Being able to download on demand is great. Other than that, it is a pain having to consistently update their platform. I'm hoping Greenhouse will break the mold and bring a new age of freedom. With the guys at Penny Arcade at the helm, or co-helm, I'm sure it will.

Withdrawal

Oh, it pours when it pours.

Last week, as in my previous post; my Macbook Pro failed. And now... my internet at home is dead. I'm still going through Mac withdrawal, but who knows what will happen after I get hit with internet withdrawal at home.

I've managed to entertain myself pretty well without my net. The Best of Sherlock Holmes has been a good read, and I'm sad I finished it so quickly. Now I want to read all the other stories that weren't included in this book.

I was really annoyed when I found out that my connection was still broken last night. I thought it might have just been Telus' usual spurts of broken connectivity when I was internet-less on Monday. Telus tech support took 20 minutes before I got connected to an agent. And even then, they were useless. I'm stating it now. Telus = useless (except maybe when it's working).
I stumped the agent because he wasn't able to figure anything out for me because they couldn't access the telephone account that I use for my ADSL. I half expected it, and I didn't bother telling the tech that we no longer had Telus phone lines. haha. So, I don't have any other choice but switch to Shaw anyways. Hmm.. which Shaw probably expected when they said we could still use our Telus ADSL (with the knowledge that we'd have to switch over when Telus' ADSL breaks down on us).